Kelly the Culinarian: A Weighty Issue

Monday, April 2, 2012

A Weighty Issue

This is the blog post I've been dreading writing. You see, I failed at the only 12 in 2012 goal I gave myself a deadline for: getting down to 124 pounds by March 31. At the beginning of the year, I was just a few pounds shy of this goal. Even today, I weighed myself and was 127.6, less than three pounds from my goal.
However, it might as well have been as close as I am to the moon right now. I was already within the healthy weight range for my height, but I wanted to reach 124 because it would mean I've lost 20 pounds since I started my whole balanced living approach to life. I got as close as 125.2 within the last few weeks, but it wasn't sustainable. To get that close, I was working out HARD six days per week (without being in training for anything) and being super strict about my food.

That's problematic because I love chocolate. I also love Taco Bell. And without being able to have dessert every once and a while, I'll go crazy. I'm also an excellent baker (see my Double Caramel Fudge Brownies, Homemade Samoa Cookie Bars, favorite Oreo recipes and Dark Chocolate Amaranth Cookies, for starters) and it seems like a shame to waste that.

So yes, I failed. And I've made peace with it. I realize I need to stop focusing on the scale, because that scale is a lying bitch. It doesn't know how hard I've worked or healthy I've eaten. Only I can know if I wake up in the morning with a clear head, settled stomach, rested body and pleasantly sore muscles. There is no measurement for happiness, and I'll be damned if a little white box in my bathroom tells me so.

For now, I'll keep running, stretching, guzzling water and pumping iron. One day, maybe I'll reach 124. Or maybe I'll put on some serious muscle and start looking like Jamie Eason (a girl can dream). Any way it pans out, I'm done being at war with myself. I need to give my body what it needs, and occasionally what it wants, because a life of balance is a life worth living.


Alissa said...

Scales are the devil. They just are. They do nothing more than undermine self-esteem and productivity. You? Do. Not. Need. To. Lose. Weight. Like, at all. As is, I am half-tempted to tie balloon weights on your ankles when you run so you don't blow away. Health and fitness are more than numbers on the scale, and I know people who weigh less, but couldn't do a quarter of what you can! Love your body for what it can do, and how strong and healthy it is, and pitch your scale out the window:)

Okay, getting off the soapbox now!

Unknown said...

I'm in a similar boat. I weighed 170 last February, and lost weight steadily until I got down to around 143-145. I was hoping to keep going to 140, but it's looking like I'll have to make some drastic changes to get there. But at the end of the day, do those 3-5 pounds matter? I've already lost 25! I run 25-30 miles/week. I think that's a far bigger accomplishment than a number on the scale. I keep hearing "strong is the new skinny." I think that's so true. I'd rather be strong and able to rock a marathon than lose a few pounds. So who cares if you didn't hit your goal weight. You look awesome and you're in great shape.

Erin said...

Alissa's comment pretty much says it all. And it sounds like you've reached a healthy (healthier?) mindset in regard to your goal. I admit, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to get to a certain weight but then, like you, I remember that there are too many good things to deny myself. If I can't partake in them in moderation while I'm working out then what's the point?

Kim said...

As much as I love to use the scale to measure progress I do think it really f*cks with us. Right now I am heavy but fit in to smaller sizes because I strength train. If I just went by the scale I would never know that! I think it's good you are letting the 124 go :)