How to Lose Your Mind Moving Cross Country: A Step-by-Step Guide

First, trust the movers when they say your stuff will arrive on July 1. Put everything you own on a moving truck, including your triathlon bike, training gear, clothing, shoes, life memories, cookware and bedding.

Then, be out of the country when you find out your stuff won't actually arrive until July 21. Panic. Panic bad. Call training buddy/saint in training Alyssa from across the border to retrieve your triathlon bike.

Pack up your carbon fiber bike and fly with it across the country ... in pieces. In the cargo hold. For added fun, make sure the TSA opens the box to inspect it.

Oh, and fly for four-plus hours after a two-hour delay with a drugged out dog. Sit in first class and have the dog's drugs wear out so that he starts barking with two hours left on the flight. The well-placed passengers in the first-class cabin will LOVE the entertainment.

Finally, move into an empty apartment, sight unseen. Start working immediately on a time zone that is two hours off of the one you live in.

Yep, that should do it.