Kelly the Culinarian: Training Tuesday: Five Effing Days

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Training Tuesday: Five Effing Days

First, thank you very much to all the readers, bloggers and friends who have sent me messages in response to my post about moving back to Chicago. It's amazing that in going through this terrible time I can feel so loved. Also, thank you to everyone who has given me the space I need to process and the support I need to heal. It was my hope in sharing this at this juncture it would shed light on why I am so anxious about this weekend, why my training has sucked and why I am legitimately concerned I won't finish Ironman Wisconsin, a race I've dreamed about conquering for three years.

Also, I had hoped that letting my divorce out of the bag now I could address all the lingering digital whispers and then I could sweep it all away in the excitement and anxiety of the Ironman. So without further adieu ....

I am scared. Scared my training hasn't been enough, my weight gain is too much and my head isn't in the game. I'm concerned my friends and family will be traveling a significant distance just to watch me fail. I'm worried I'll hurt myself, and am already bracing for the embarrassment of explaining why I didn't make a cutoff or had to accept my first and biggest DNF ever.

I'm not begging for sympathy, I'm just clearing the air to keep it real. As much as I wanted to become Ironbitch and embrace the bad ass side of me, life got in the way. Instead of a year of triumph, 2014 is shaping up to be a year of endings and beginnings and sadness and turmoil. I'm approaching this in the same way as I have the past few weeks - if you're going through hell, just keep going.

Time to find out if you can Barney Stinson an Ironman.



9 comments:

Pete B said...

Good luck at the Ironman. Just the fact that you have the guts to stand at and stare down the starting line is impressive. Hopefully it will mark the beginning of a new, happy chapter in your life!

The Brit With A Blog said...

All you can do is keep moving forward :)

Hang in there buddy, everything will be okay! :)

Lauren Wong said...

Just keep moving forward.
I like the mantra too of: If you're going through hell, keep on going. (Don't slow down...)

You'll be awesome. And if not, one foot in front of the other until you hit the finish line.

And lube EVERYTHING. Even where you haven't chafed before. Call me if you have specific questions.

Regan @ The Healthy Aperture Blog said...

No matter how or if you finish, we're all still behind you 100% :)

Maggie Wolff said...

If you have to DNF, SO WHAT? You had the balls to try. Your family & friends will not care if they don't watch you cross the finish. They will be there to support you in whatever way you need. You should be proud that you have the courage to do this. All of this. The Ironman; and admitting something isn't working and moving on.

GOOD LUCK, we'll all be thinking of you, and no matter the outcome, we are all super proud of you.

Rachel said...

I'll be cheering at Ironman this weekend and will scream extra loud for you! Look for me on the run course. :)

I just caught up with all of your recent blogs and I'm sorry about all that life has thrown at you lately. Keep your head high and like Pete said above, standing at the start of Ironman will be the begining of a new chapter! Good luck!

Angela Foglestad said...

I echo what Maggie said. You have so much more courage than you make think you do at this moment. I too went through a divorce a couple of years ago. All I can say is keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'll be thinking of you.

Mo said...

The only way out is through, my dear. You can do this. I'll be screaming at you from my computer screen, but it's like I'll be there :)

Losing Lindy said...

You are going to be awesome! You are so strong, motivated and determined..and like the others said...whoopy darn doo if you DNF. You are an ironbitch either way. I can't wait to hear how it goes.